The Art of Giving a Compliment

By Laura Dion-Jones Casey


Dear Tom:

You're my favorite writer at Esquire and I really enjoy your way with words, but I have to take issue with you regarding your recent article on how to give "The Perfect Compliment." I absolutely loved the piece - however:

Speaking as both the giver and receiver of daily compliments, I can attest to the fact that one really cannot learn to give the perfect compliment overnight nor by your "shotgun approach." Rather, it is something innate in the compliment-giver's eye that prompts the blurt of heartfelt praise in the first place.

For instance, my background is strong in the fashion design, beauty, weight loss and motivation industries - so when I see someone who looks particularly fabulous - for them - when I see someone who has put forth the effort to look magnificent for their own self-esteem and for us sincere admirers, I don't hesitate to compliment. "Great color trench!" I might call out as I zoom past on my daily walk especially when it's the first trench of the season in a spectacular, new color. "Fabulous hair!" Is another when it's well deserved. And, as always: "Man, you look like you've lost weight! You look fabulous! Keep it up!" Even if all they've lost is just a lousy ounce.

These types of compliments always make the receiver stand a bit taller, stride a bit stronger, and smile a bit wider, for the rest of the day and, hopefully, beyond.

Then there's the fitness factor: anyone who is putting extra effort into improving themselves with their weight loss, fitness and appearance, I don't hesitate to compliment - because not a day goes by, luckily for me, that I don't get multiple compliments from people who see me at Chicago's East Bank Club and from strangers on the street who regularly see my dogs and I on our daily walks around Michigan Avenue and its environs.

Why? Because I've totally transformed myself having recently shed 130 pounds in 2-1/2 years through cutting white starch and sugar carbs from my diet combined with daily walking; I now average 45-50 miles per week and since January 1, 2003, I've walked over 19,000 miles - more than two-thirds of the way around the Earth at the Equator. And I've managed to maintain that weight loss into my sixth year, now, so I know a thing or two about compliments. And I did it all right in front of everyone's eyes. This is why I, personally, am fortunate to get so many daily compliments. Are they well deserved? Ask anyone who knows me. I'm a walking role model - literally and figuratively: the poster child for successful, healthy, low carb weight loss and maintenance, and I always make sure I look my best, even while working out. I can't afford not to. I motivate and inspire just by showing up. It amazes even me.

The very day I read your article in the recent issue of Esquire on "The Perfect Compliment," I had just given an important one of my own to a big guy at the club who's been working his male ass off to lose a bit of that unwanted flab he's been hauling around. His efforts did not go unnoticed by me. When he was big and hulking, he was nothing special - but now . . . I told him that his recent weight loss and increased buff-ness upped his handsome quotient by a thousand percent.

Catching him so off guard, he blushed red as a Rooster, and it made me smile because I know firsthand that when I get compliments of that magnitude, I sure think twice before I put any kind of food-crap in my mouth the rest of the day.

My personally given compliments also always carry another agenda beyond the obviously stated. What's on the outside is secondary - it's how the person perceives them self that's paramount.

Seriously, Chiarella, you could learn a thing or two from me on this compliment-giving thing:

First Rule: It should come naturally. Second Rule: It should make the receiver feel good. Third Rule: It should come from not only your head, but your heart, too.

Most sincerely,

Laura Dion-Jones Casey
America's Preeminent Pro-Health Activist
among other things.